My mom used to tell me that when I was little I used to sit at the kitchen table, color in my coloring book, and make up songs about how much I love Jesus....and I would just sing to Jesus and be in my own little world. When she told me this in high school...I remember feeling so sad, wondering where this little girl's faith went.
There have been times in my life I have questioned God's existence. There have times I wished he was true, but felt like I couldn't believe. I couldn't believe because of the pain, I couldn't believe because of the unfairness...the people in my life that truly loved Him, I believed He treated unfairly. I was stuck. Deep down, I yearned for there to be a true God. But, I fought it.
I fought it because I was scared of what it would require. What if it's true? That would be a hard pill to swallow and a life change I was not ready for. But why was it so scary?
I grew up desiring the sincerity and love for God my Mother and Grandmother had....but I always felt like it missed me...that I would never fully understand that kind of faith. I gave up. I went my own way...hoping to find my joy in friends, partying, popularity...it wasn't there. I tried making myself read the Bible, forcing myself to be a “good” person, and then failing over and over again. It wasn't there. All of this actually pushed me more in the opposite direction.
Whether you turn from the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21
I was in high school, in the midst of pain from divorce and the death of my mother....giving up on the belief in God....and there He was. It was then, that I realized He was there all along.
It was the love of His children that first drew me in. My sophomore year of high school I moved to Arizona and met Kyle, one of my first friends at my new school who was different than any friends I have ever had. He and his friends loved each other, loved people, and loved God. They weren't annoying about it, they didn't shove it down my throat, and I was actually drawn to whatever it was that was different about them. I went to youth group with them one night, and it was there that I first saw God inside of people. As I watched over 200 high schoolers singing to God, it was then that I first truly believed He was there and that He loved the voices of His children.
It brought me to tears. And the fact that I was crying made me cry more. For so long, I was stone cold to God....but in that moment, I knew He was real; I knew that night was the beginning of something much bigger.
Some people in my life didn't understand what had taken place in my heart, and I had a difficult time trying to explain it....but deep down I knew it was real, and I knew it was never going to leave. They thought it would wear away....fade...they told me I was too extreme. God told me to just keep walking with Him...He promised He would show me the way.
And He has...He is...and He always will.
I met a backpacker from Holland in a little coffee shop in Antigua. As she told me about her life, I started to see how much she was fighting God's existence in her life. She told me stories of times where she wanted to believe, but just couldn't. As she shared, I silently prayed that one day...the fight would be over. I prayed for surrender to His voice....and that she would walk in the way He desires to take her.
The love of the Father never runs out. He loves His children and simply wants us to love him back. A relationship with Jesus is not for certain people. It's not just for people raised in church...it's not just for people who seem like they have their lives together....it's not just for clean cut people who never break the rules.....a relationship with Jesus is for God's children.
Lord, I pray that we would all long to hear Your voice, and walk with you through life. I pray for each person reading this, that you would remind them today how much you love them and how much you simply desire them to love you back. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity, as Your children, to have a relationship with You.
Welcome to the Antigua Guatemala Installment of the Colleen and Sarah Photo extravaGANZAS!
This month we left the the guys behind for some ¨manistry time.¨ We have no idea what has happened after the taking of this photo and we may be better off that way...
The 4 Team LESS girls, Traci and Krystle from Ignite and 5/6 of the Beloved Ones headed to Antigua
After 10 months of traveling we found that many of us fit right in with the backpackers... and others found their flair for Guatemalan Culture... well maybe just one in particular.
Antigua is a BEAUTIFUL city with many historical sights, cobblestone roads, old cathedrals... and adorable elderly people.
Here are several photos from around town:
One morning a group of us headed up to Pacaya, an active volcano only 2 hours from our little city!
Jackie, Sarah and Lindsey in front of the Volcano... and the whole group of World Race hikers.
Parts of the rock were hot enough to do this to marshmallows... and to the soles of shoes if you don´t step carefully!
There were a few close calls... but we all made it back safely.
We spent time in a hospital for mentally disabled children and adults. We made lots of great friends with the amazing women and children who live there.
Colleen and Gloria... who loved her makeup and always had lots of jewelry on display
Krystle and Lupe with her award winning smile
Kari and Gloria hugging over our lunch outting to a local chicken restaurant
Jackie and Rufina became instant friends
The whole group on our way back from lunch
Every day it was amazing to see local people and missionaries spreading love around the hospital
This is Dick playing with Byron in the park. There is not nearly enough space here to explain how much we love him and how wonderful he is... consider this a sneak peak into future blogs.
a great candid shot of Lindsey loving life in Antigua
Lest you should think we forgot... here are some of the ¨unique¨ sights from our time in Antigua
When our friend refused a photo with Colleen for the third or fourth time... she decided to take matters into her own hands... and chase him through the streets
One day there was a party slash competition at the hospital. From what we can gather... people were divided into colored teams with mascots... and then completed tasks all over the hospital. Here you will see Team Bear crossing the pool and Team Construction Paper Donkey running off to their next event.
What competition would be complete without a rainy character dance-off in the courtyard...
At first glance... Sarah thought she was looking back in time when a bumble bee came running by.... but in fact, they actually made more than one bumble bee costume for children... to be worn by adults.
Finally, there was a concert at the hospital one afternoon... and much to our surprise and enjoyment we found out that Willy Nelson doubles as a xylophone enthusiast in Antigua.
Well, that´s all for now... see you at the next... extravaGANZA!!
I thank you for this day. I thank you for our time at the hospital. I felt emotionally drained today...Lord, I pray that you would strengthen me. Give me strength tomorrow. My heart broke today. I cannot believe people live like this. They are so starved of affection and love. It is so hard to see girls my age living like vegetables. Lord....why? Why do they have to live like this? As I walk through the hospital halls...all I hear is your still-small voice asking, "Do you trust Me?" It´s a hard question to swallow. Lord, for years I have prayed for my heart to break for the things that break Your heart....and here I am, face-to-face with it...and I am tempted to despair and doubt Your goodness. I repent of this Lord...and I answer "yes" to Your question. I trust You. You are good and I love You. You love these people...they are Your children and You have not forgotten them. They are beautiful. You are with them. Your presence is in this hospital. Thank You Lord...I love you....
This is an exerpt from my journal last night...I am currently in Antigua, Guatamala for 12 days. A group of seven girls are staying here and volunteering at a Catholic Hospital for disabled people of all ages. There are over 200 residents of this hospital, and their disabilites range from being bed-ridden, mal-nourished, mentally ill, mentally disabled....the list goes on. In Guatamalan society, it is majorly looked down upon to have a child who is mentally or physically handicap. Many parents abandon their handicap children, or fail to take care of them and let them die. This hospital takes in the children (and adults) and takes care of them. There are so many residents and not enough care-takers, so many of them are in bed all day, without people interacting with them...let alone loving on them and being their friend. We are thankful for the opportunity to be here, to spend time with these amazing people, and we pray that through this, they will experience the love of Christ.
Although we are only here for a short time, and this is only my second day in the hospital...I can already see how it is changing me. I am spending time with a percentage of the population who are forgotten. The more parts of the world God shows me, the more I am realizing how much denial I have been living in. It´s so easy to turn away and not acknowledge the parts of the world that hurt to see, the people who make me uncomfortable, the areas I don´t want to believe really exist. And here I am, in the middle of it, and I am faced with a choice. When I walk into this hospital, I can either shut off my emotions and be numb, or open up my heart and experience where the Lord has brought me. It´s so tempting to shut down when I am afraid of pain...a pattern I have noticed throughout my life. But as I look into the eyes of these girls, I can´t shut down. God is breaking my heart for these people, and it is the answer to prayers I have prayed for years. When I trust Him, and open up my heart...it is there that I find true joy and faith.
Lord, bless this hospital and shower the people inside with Your love and grace.
Our time in Panamá was filled with many interesting experiences. When we looked at our pictures we discovered that there were lots of very unique sights and experiences that we want to share with you here.
... so welcome to the Things I Never Thought I´d See Colleen and Sarah Photo extravaGANZA!!
At the Prayer Day we found out that they needed balloon animals made... over 100 balloon animals.
As we have no formal clown training and are somewhat timid around balloons and clowns, we were amazed to find that we actually have the balloon animal annointing (right Gary B?).
Many many many balloon dogs later... all of the children were happy customers.
In other unused skill sets... Sarah was signed up for ¨modeling class¨ at the Campamiento... and was quickly awarded a tiara.
Take your Daughter to Work Day- the daughter of our cab driver crusing around with him watching videos on a Saturday
Sorry AIM... we tried to stop him. But Danny became a RACATACA (local lingo for a Panamanian woman who gets in many fights)
Gary L. requesting a hug photo
Our grown men entranced (understatement) by the magic shop in the mall
First, we found a spot where we could leave our bags while we finished our shopping. Then, came the surprise... instead of a ticket.... or a tag... we recieved a numbered shopping basket to reclaim our packages when we returned.
At 3am one night of traveling... our bus was stopped at a drug check point. First, drug officers boarded the bus yelling a very latino name. Next, we had to exit the bus with all of gear. Then, they let loose the drug dogs... not german shepards... the ever feared COCKER SPANIEL!! The fearsome beast was relentless... he didn´t even pause at the muffins sitting on Sarah´s pillow... as Danny said ¨Scruff McGee! Take a bite out of crime!¨
... that´s all for now... see you at our next photo extravaGANZA!!!
Our team recently spent 2 amazing weeks in Panama. We hope these pictures will give you some insight into our experiences.
... so welcome to the latest Colleen and Sarah photo extravaGANZA!
Danny and Lindsey preparing to overwhelm the taxi drivers with 6 people, 6 packs, 6 backpacks, a guitar and few purses...
Hydration is very important when you are visiting the Panamà Canal
Jackie, aka J Money, doing her thing wherever and whenever she can
Our first weekend we got to go to Campamiento, an annual youth retreat for the high school...
One of these things is not like the others... (Note the miracle taking place: you are witnessing over 100 teenagers on the beach by 6am for morning devotions and very energetic games)
Kari and the Staff splashing around
Sunrise
Several days during our week we got to go to the Comador (a feeding center). It was run by an adorable Grandpa-man named Bernardo. We helped paint chairs, make a table, pour cement and serve food to all his little friends.
Colleen documents the morning zone out trend from our team waiting for the bus.... versus Sarah.
Kyle helping Bernardo put together a table
Just a Grandpa doing what he loves to do.
Carlos
Saving some for later?
Three cheers for food... (and Americans with cameras!)
Here are a few pictures from our time at the school. We got to follow teachers around and teach English.
Hard at work
Teacher Colleen and one of her amazing students
On Saturday we got to attend the International Day of Prayer! It was a big festival at the school... complete with a performance by the students of cultural dancing. No captions for these ones... just some beautiful photos.
These are a few pictures of our host family:
Matteo really is this cool
Pedrito, Pedro and Maria at dinner on of our last nights
Here I am in Arrijan, Panama...things are going very well. Once again, the people are amazing, our team is doing great, and God is working in awesome ways. We are working alongside a wonderful Pastor and his wife (Pedro and Maria)....and all six of us are living with his parents during our time here. Since we have been here, we have been able to do a variety of things. We were able to help with preparations for the high school retreat, attend and help out with the retreat (and I even got to play Britney Spears in a skit! haha), and now help in the Bilinual School that is partnered with the church. We have also had the opportunity to serve at a feeding center in town that feeds the starving people in the area. This week we are in the school most of this week, helping with English and assisting the teachers in any way we can. I am absolutely loving the classroom and being around high school students. The retreat was amazing and gave us the opportunity to get to know a lot of the students we will be spending time with at the school.
God has really been guiding us and taking us where He wants us. Our days have been busy, but good. He is reminding us the importance of putting Him first and focusing on Him...especially during the busy days. He is showing us His faithfulness, in the big and small things. And as we are on the last leg of our journey....I am so thankful for what this year has held, so thankful for what is in store, and so wanting more. I´m not ready to check out and be done, because I believe there is more. Please pray that we push forward and constantly desire more growth, more stretching, and more of Him. More of Him, Less of ourselves....that has been our teams prayer all year, and may it continue´to be our prayer for the rest of our lives.
Lately God has been showing me how judgmental I have been in my life....especially my years walking with Him. Nine months ago, I never would have thought that I was a judgemental person. I always considered myself pretty accepting...but deep down there were some deep judgments that I didn't even recognize as judgements, let alone a problem in me that needed to be dealt with.
What God has shown me through a number of circumstances the past nine months...is that it is just as important not to judge Christians as it is important not to judge those who do not believe in Christ. I have always been very aware and careful not to judge those who do not know Christ...but what I never realized is how judgemental I was towards Christians and The Church.
Looking back, I can see how my judgements have evolved. There was a time in college when I was on a "theology kick"...and I began to silently judge those Christians around me who had different theology. There have been times when I have been involved in Campus groups and churches...and I silently judged those who did not worship the way we did, share the Gospel the way we did, or even spend their free time the way we did. For years I have struggled walking through Christian bookstores without feeling nauseous by the Christian consumerism...cheezy t-shirts, and Christian parifinalia....and I silently judged those who were a part of this Christian culture. Before I was a Christian, I used to flip through the TV channels and laugh at the Christian channels...and when I started to believe in Christ and walk through life with Him...I silently judged and had anger towards those television channels...mad at the production, the dramatic testimonies, and emotional appeal they tried to lure people in with. I was afraid of Charismatic Christians, and had silent anger towards them because I believed they were being fake and over emotional. I was angry towards super conservative Christians because I believed they were too legalistic and too focused on the rules and what they should do rather than on Christ and what He has done. So basically, when I look at all this at once...I can see that I thoughtI was in the right place with God. That I wasn't too extreme, too emotional, to focused on doing...and that my judgements were fair and discerning. I never recognize these as lies in my head...distracting me from what the Lord wants...unity, community, and love. Part of why I never recognized them was because they were silent judgments....that crept in, caused division in my heart, and fear. Fear of how big God could be, fear that I was missing out on something big, and fear that if I believed in this big of a God, it would require a change in me that I didn't want to go through.
And here I am....going through it.
He has taken me on an eleven month journey...I knew it was going to be big, I knew it was going to be difficult and awesome, and I new He was going to rock my world...but...really... I had no idea.
He has brought me to places and shown me people who are so different....and all of them love Him so much. From super "charismatic" Christians and churches to very shy and conservative Christians....to missionaries who have been saved and changed by the Lord through Christian television stations...Christians who love the t-shirts, the posters, and the Christian music videos....and in the midst of all of this...God shows up. He uses these things to draw them in, draw them closer, and use them as His vessels all over the world.
As a funny birthday present, my team gave me a cheezy cartoon poster of Jesus and a little kid...and in bold colors wrote the verse in Spanish: "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and harm you..." (one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 29:11). I laughed when I opened it, because not only is it one of my favorite verses, but it was on this hilarious poster. Jasmine hung it up in my room in her apartment because she thought it was cute. And one night...her and I were talking about different things and struggles in her life...and in the midst of our Spanish convo and lots of sherades-type talking, I felt like God wanted me to point at this poster and show her this verse....so I did. And she cried as she believed God wanted her to know that. God used a cheezy Christian poster to speak to a friend I care very much about. Jasmine and I prayed together and trusted this verse as true together. And as I went to sleep that night, I laughed with God and then cried. I laughed because He is so funny....He continually amazes me through things like this. And then tears began to flow because I love Him so much. This moment with Jasmine and the cheezy poster....it signifies something much greater in my life. It signifies God's pursuit of me. His pursuit in my life to never leave me where I am at, to always push me, and to always desire a more whole daughter. He changes us because He loves us...and He doesn't want us to live with fears, judgements, and disconnection. He will be doing this for the rest of our lives...if we are open to Him.
This World Race...this 11 month trip around the world....He has shown me is not just a year-long mission trip, a year to focus, a year to build awesome relationships. While those are all awesome...He has shown me that is also the start of something bigger. A permanent change in my heart, and the start of a constant hunger for change and closeness with Him.
9am: It all started with a morning scare….by four birthday elves...Caitlin, Becky, Heather, and Sarah came charging in my homestead wearing these masks and delivering my first birthday present (a favorite cereal of mine) and a scavenger hunt for me to find all my Swedish Fish (my favorite candy) throughout the day.
10am: I went to church and was surprised to find out that every hour until 7pm, my team had a present for me to open. So, yes...even at church, I was opening presents! These presents throughout the day ranged from Winnie the Poo cutlery, q-tips, and goggles…to stickers, fun pens, and many other hilarious personalized gifts.
After church, I was able to call my brother Joey who has the same birthday…I turned 24 and he turned 25. I was so thankful to be able to talk to him and sing happy birthday to him!
Here's my Joey:
1pm: My team (minus Jackie and Lindsey who are currently with a group in Panama), Seth, and a wonderful couple from church, went out to an Italian restaurant for lunch.
After lunch…we went to the mall. And our activity was a favorite past time of mine in high school….trying on funny clothes and laughing at each other! These pictures only capture a fraction of how hilarious it was to see Kyle, Seth, and Danny in women's clothes, and preppy clothes.
Sorry, boys…I had to post it….it's just too funny.
Boy Band? Country Club girls?
In the evening…we enjoyed dinner and Pin-the-Tale-on-the-Donkey….
In case you couldn't tell.....Seth won.
Then, they brought out the cake. It wasn't just any ole' cake….it was a PIZOOKIE. My wonderful friends made a creation of all my favorite things: cookie cake, ice cream, and peanut M&M's….it was amazing. And my favorite part about it is we had 15 forks and we all dug in….that's community!
This is our "We love Birthdays" face!!!
After we recovered from our sugar comas…we headed off to the roller skating rank. I imagined many youngsters, fun music, and a chill atmosphere…and was surprised to see many hard-core, serious Latino adults roller skating really fast all night. It was hilarious, and quite the cultural experience. I only had one major tumble, but many close calls. Here is a picture of me attempting to dance and skate backwards at the same time…
...and here's our squad doing the "Thriller"…
To sum it all up, this birthday was ridiculously amazing. I am so blessed by my wonderful team, and my wonderful Sarah who is a birthday enthusiast, and my wonderful squad who has been such a blessing to me. On top of all of this, I was surprised with a video Sarah and Danny made of the people from my squad who were in Panama during my birthday…here is the video:
Things are going great here in Costa Rica! Our whole squad has been together at YWAM San Jose for this month. This is a first for our squad, and it has been really great so far. We have had the freedom to explore San Jose, seek out different ministry opportunities, and go out and do what the Lord is calling us to do. It has been really cool to see God guide us all in different ways, and still be able to live as a family serving Him together.
Entering San Jose, my main desire was to immerse myself in the culture…learn Spanish, spend time with Costa Ricans, build relationships, enjoy Costa Rican cuisine, etc. The Lord has guided me and provided in so many ways! Last Sunday I was at a local church and met a woman, Jasmine, who offered me to live with her for the rest of my time in Costa Rica. Jasmine is a 28-year-old single mother of Tiffany, who is a one-year-old beautiful girl. I moved in with them and it has been such a blessing!
Jasmine and Tiffany
My room at Jasmine's
I am also taking a two week crash Spanish course which is from 8:15am-12:15pm Monday-Friday. I have loved attending this school…the teachers are so nice, and I am meeting some really interesting people from all over. I have been learning so much, and going home everyday to talk to Jasmine has been so great too because it has enabled me to practice what I am learning. Here is my schedule for a typical day of my life these days:
6am: wake up, breakfast, get ready
7am: meet at YWAM and pray with my team
7:45: take bus to school
8:15: Spanish Class
12:15: Class is finished, take the bus home
12:30: Lunch, spend time with Jasmine and Tiffany
Afternoon: I usually run, read, go to the park, spend time with team mates, etc
5pm: Spend time with Jasmine, cook, eat dinner
Nights: I usually spend time with team mates or hang out at the apartment with Jasmine
My Classroom
My Spanish teacher, Guiselle
There's a little glimpse into my life these days! Please pray for the students I am studying with…that God will continue to work in those relationships. There is one student in particular that has been on my heart a lot, her name is Donna and she is from Korea. Please keep her in your prayers.
As Mother's Day approaches every year, my heart gets a sinking feeling. The kind of feeling I get when I am afraid to think about something, afraid to face something....afraid pain is coming. It's a familiar feeling...almost a comfortable feeling....it happens every now and then when pain creeps up. But this time...God reminded me that He offers me peace in every situation.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.... (Colossians 3:15)
I stared at this verse this morning. I stared at it for so long that the words stopped looking like words....I began to dwell. I began to worry...I began to miss my Mom.
Last week I looked at a calendar for the first time in a long time....and I realized my birthday falls on Mother's Day this year. Every couple years my birthday falls on this special holiday. Growing up, it was always such a fun weekend to celebrate my brother Joey's birthday, my birthday (yes, we have the same birthday...a year apart!), and Mother's Day. Birthday cakes, friends, pizza, gifts, parties....and of course lots of laughter.
For those of you who don't know me, my Mom passed away when I was a freshman in high school. She died of pancreatic cancer after being ill for eleven months. Anyone who knows me well, knows that the loss of my Mother was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. She was my best friend, and when she died, I really felt like part of me died too. I never thought I would be able to be healed, I never thought I would be able to feel fully alive again. It was a pain that haunted me....that kept jabbing me on my best and worst days.
Sad days, I miss her....important, joyful days, I want her with me. In between days....I just want to be near her. I cannot put into words the hole that was left when she died.
Colleen, let My peace rule in your heart....
...I hear this over and over.
I am staring at my journal right now and I see prayers for peace. In huge letters this morning I wrote: LORD, I WANT PEACE!
I beg for peace, and God's still small voice tells me "it's already there."
I return to Scripture and see that His peace is always offered...I need to let His peace rule in my heart.
Today I prayed and cried out to God, for His peace to rule in my heart....and it is. Moment by moment, if I let Him, He will fill me with peace...in all circumstances.
And in this moment, as I am filled with peace about my Mom's life....I want to celebrate her life.
Her name was Margaret Anne Foley...but everyone called her Peggy. She was in love with the Lord. Through all circumstances, she looked to Him first. She loved people. I have never met anyone who couldn't love my Mom....she had such a huge heart, so hospitable, and had such a heart of mercy for the people in her life. She had an amazing laugh...that could cheer anyone up. It was loud and explosive and beautiful. I loved going to funny movies with her because she would laugh so loud that we would get funny looks and make the people around us laugh. She was gorgeous....5'7, blonde hair, skinny, perfect skin, perfect teeth, blue eyes. She always smelled good...even after going to the gym! She wore Lamcom Treasure perfume. She was such an adorable dancer and made such a cute face when she told silly jokes. She was such a great dresser, an incredible cook, and SO FUN! All my friends loved her and were jealous I had such a cool and fun Mom. I never argued it....I knew. I knew my Mom was amazing. She had a way of making everything fun...from parties and vacations, to waiting in a long line at the grocery store or staying home sick from school....she could make anything exciting, anything hopeful, anything funny.
We love nicknames in my family...my brothers and I created so many for my Mom....Mumsy, Moobarelars (long story), Mu-me-me (another long story), Me-me, Mama, A.R.D.M....the list goes on. You might be wondering "what does A.R.D.M. stand for?" It's one of my favorite nick names because it describes her very well. A.R.D.M. stands for Awesome-Rad-Dudical-Mama. My brother Dan created it one day, and we all loved it...so we kept it!
As I look back on the past nine months, I see the Lord's healing hand in my life. The part of me that died when she died, I fully believe has been brought back to life. I still miss her, I still want her near me, I still have dreams about her and am disappointed to wake up and realize they were dreams...I still ache sometimes when I think about her....
...but that's ok.
God has healed my heart...He gives me peace when I let Him rule my heart. He loves my mom and He loves being with her. He has restored me and shown me it's ok to miss her, but He wants me to have peace and trust Him with my whole life, not just parts.
Thank you, Lord...for my amazing Mom. Thank you for the years I had with her, and thank you for the lives you touched through her. Thank you for the fact that she is in the presence of perfect love right now....thank you that she's with You. Happy Mother's Day...
